|
humor
Jun 18, 2011 21:57:47 GMT -5
Post by Cutter on Jun 18, 2011 21:57:47 GMT -5
The blacksmith shop was in the older side of town where the retireds gathered to spit and whittle. They were of the habit of visiting the smithy, though he did not encourage them. Old Jake took himself pretty seriously, and he was, as usual in such cases, quite alone in that opinion. He never let on there was anything he didn't know. He was experienced in all phases of human existance, and did not mind if you knew it. Jake ambled on by the forge and idly reached for one of a row of horseshoes on the firewall before it. Jake didn't realize at the time, though he very quickly had an inkling, that the shoes had only seconds ago lost the reddish-white tint they have when first out of the fire. Jake dropped the metal with a clang and jammed his smoking hand into his pants and attempted to whistle with jaws of pure granite to stifle a scream. The smithy saw all this out of the corner of his eye. ``Might warm, warn't it?'' asked the smithy with a near-smile. ``Nope,'' asserted Jake. ``Just don't take me long to look at a horseshoe.''
|
|
|
humor
Jun 19, 2011 10:00:26 GMT -5
Post by joewiggs on Jun 19, 2011 10:00:26 GMT -5
L.O.L. ;D
|
|
|
humor
Jun 19, 2011 18:15:51 GMT -5
Post by whitebull on Jun 19, 2011 18:15:51 GMT -5
Cutter, you the man! ;D
|
|
|
humor
Jul 7, 2011 0:16:12 GMT -5
Post by Cutter on Jul 7, 2011 0:16:12 GMT -5
Three Bulls
Three bulls, one large, one medium, and one small, were standing in the pasture and had just heard a rumor that the farmer had just bought a new, larger bull. The largest of the three said,"Well, he ain't getting none of my cows." The medium bull said,"He ain't getting none of my cows." The little bull said,"Well, if he ain't getting any of yours, them he sure as hell ain't getting one of mine." Two days later, a semi pulls into the yard, and they unload the new bull. He's big and pissed from having been cooped up for the long journey. When the three bulls see him, the biggest bull says,"He can have my cows," the medium bull says,"He can have mine, too." The littlest bull, however, begins to paw the ground, snort and bellow, and basically carry on."What's with you?" the other two asked."I'm just showing him I ain't a cow!"
|
|
|
humor
Jul 9, 2011 0:29:22 GMT -5
Post by strange on Jul 9, 2011 0:29:22 GMT -5
The fourth Bull must have been rumoured to have arrived from the land of Deliverance!!!
Squeel or no squeel!!!
|
|
|
humor
Jul 11, 2011 17:08:36 GMT -5
Post by joewiggs on Jul 11, 2011 17:08:36 GMT -5
Or, " To Squeal or not to Squeal, that is the question!
|
|
|
humor
Jul 27, 2011 14:24:56 GMT -5
Post by Cutter on Jul 27, 2011 14:24:56 GMT -5
To Right A Horse
Mounting a horse is actually very easy if it is done properly. A rider can only mount a horse from one side because a horse only likes to be mounted from one side. The left side is right and the right side is wrong. You're right to be left and wrong to be right. If you mount from the front, you mount from the right, which is then the left because your right is its left, and the left the right, keeping in mind that the left is right and the right is wrong. Put your left to your right and step so your right is to the wrong and now your right is opposite its left and left the right. To right right is to the left and to right is wrong is to the right, but backwards, the right is right and the left is wrong only when your right is on its wrong, and the left is on its right. Switching right to left and left to right is wrong. Right is wrong and left is right only from the front or else the left is right and the right is wrong.
|
|
|
humor
Jul 27, 2011 15:57:34 GMT -5
Post by tbw on Jul 27, 2011 15:57:34 GMT -5
To Right A Horse Mounting a horse is actually very easy if it is done properly. A rider can only mount a horse from one side because a horse only likes to be mounted from one side. The left side is right and the right side is wrong. You're right to be left and wrong to be right. If you mount from the front, you mount from the right, which is then the left because your right is its left, and the left the right, keeping in mind that the left is right and the right is wrong. Put your left to your right and step so your right is to the wrong and now your right is opposite its left and left the right. To right right is to the left and to right is wrong is to the right, but backwards, the right is right and the left is wrong only when your right is on its wrong, and the left is on its right. Switching right to left and left to right is wrong. Right is wrong and left is right only from the front or else the left is right and the right is wrong. Now we know why Benteen went left. ;D
|
|
|
humor
Jul 27, 2011 17:34:06 GMT -5
Post by joewiggs on Jul 27, 2011 17:34:06 GMT -5
I understand that the " left" is right and the " right" is wrong... What I'd like to know is this, is" Who" still playing first!!!and whatever happened to " What?"
|
|
|
humor
Jul 27, 2011 22:41:53 GMT -5
Post by Cutter on Jul 27, 2011 22:41:53 GMT -5
That could explain the whole damn thing, it's the little things that make the biggest difference.
|
|
|
humor
Jul 31, 2011 20:32:00 GMT -5
Post by Cutter on Jul 31, 2011 20:32:00 GMT -5
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU IGNORE THE INSTRUCTIONS ON BOTTLES OF EASY-BOOT GLUE..........
#1. Make sure that you practice putting on the boot before you pour in the glue. "Don't have to do that-even though this is brand new boot, I'm sure it will go on just like the old one.."
#2. Be sure to wear gloves. "I'll just be really careful--No gloves, no prob!"
#3. Be sure to protect your clothing. "I'll just be really careful..........."
#4. Pour 1/4 cup from each bottle into a cup......... "I'll just kind of approximate like I do when I cook (because I'm such a fabulous cook!!!!!!!)"
AND THE FINAL OUTCOME:
Mixing the stuff up ... so far so good. Pour into boot (seems like an awful lot). Try to apply boot ... it's NOT going on!!!! Trying to pry on with screw driver ... pushing and pulling ... HORRIBLE STICKY FOAM IS OOZING OUT OF THE BOOT!!!! It's everywhere!!! I can't hold the foot up any longer ... have to set it down. My right hand is stuck to the easy boot! The screwdriver is stuck to my pants!! Gasping for breath - I try again ... Hay is stuck all over the boot ... and on my pants ... and now on my hand and horses leg! The boot is on but it is horribly twisted ... I have to take it off!!
The rest I can't even talk about except to say ... my pants are permanently rubberized - there is a screw driver forever stuck to the wheel well of the trailer - My horse still has hay stuck to her leg - my hands, three days after the "event", are the consistency of hay-infested elephant skin - and my brand new easy boot looks like a tiny bale of hay.
SOOOOO - the moral of the story would have to be ....... read the instructions! Has anyone noticed that Sir Strange is acting, well, a bit strange? Swwms to me shyness is not in his persona, so I wonder about the lurking about.
|
|
|
humor
Aug 2, 2011 19:27:27 GMT -5
Post by joewiggs on Aug 2, 2011 19:27:27 GMT -5
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU IGNORE THE INSTRUCTIONS ON BOTTLES OF EASY-BOOT GLUE.......... #1. Make sure that you practice putting on the boot before you pour in the glue. "Don't have to do that-even though this is brand new boot, I'm sure it will go on just like the old one.." #2. Be sure to wear gloves. "I'll just be really careful--No gloves, no prob!" #3. Be sure to protect your clothing. "I'll just be really careful..........." #4. Pour 1/4 cup from each bottle into a cup......... "I'll just kind of approximate like I do when I cook (because I'm such a fabulous cook!!!!!!!)" AND THE FINAL OUTCOME: Mixing the stuff up ... so far so good. Pour into boot (seems like an awful lot). Try to apply boot ... it's NOT going on!!!! Trying to pry on with screw driver ... pushing and pulling ... HORRIBLE STICKY FOAM IS OOZING OUT OF THE BOOT!!!! It's everywhere!!! I can't hold the foot up any longer ... have to set it down. My right hand is stuck to the easy boot! The screwdriver is stuck to my pants!! Gasping for breath - I try again ... Hay is stuck all over the boot ... and on my pants ... and now on my hand and horses leg! The boot is on but it is horribly twisted ... I have to take it off!! The rest I can't even talk about except to say ... my pants are permanently rubberized - there is a screw driver forever stuck to the wheel well of the trailer - My horse still has hay stuck to her leg - my hands, three days after the "event", are the consistency of hay-infested elephant skin - and my brand new easy boot looks like a tiny bale of hay. SOOOOO - the moral of the story would have to be ....... read the instructions! Has anyone noticed that Sir Strange is acting, well, a bit strange? Swwms to me shyness is not in his persona, so I wonder about the lurking about. All these many years I thunk I was the only one this calamity happened to. I'm flabbergasted!
|
|
|
humor
Aug 2, 2011 22:32:20 GMT -5
Post by Cutter on Aug 2, 2011 22:32:20 GMT -5
We've all been there and done that in this modern world. ;D
|
|
|
humor
Aug 3, 2011 23:49:04 GMT -5
Post by Cutter on Aug 3, 2011 23:49:04 GMT -5
Horse #1: I'm sure glad I'm not a bird. I could get hurt! Horse #2: Why is that? Horse #1: I can't fly.
|
|
|
humor
Aug 6, 2011 9:52:35 GMT -5
Post by joewiggs on Aug 6, 2011 9:52:35 GMT -5
Horse #1: I'm sure glad I'm not a bird. I could get hurt! Horse #2: Why is that? Horse #1: I can't fly. That's what I'm talking about! Short sweet and hilarious! You are the man!
|
|