humor

[strange]

There was a movie where these two angels were punished for disobeying god and the lady said to the story teller "So they were sent to hell?" and the story teller replied "No, worse, Wisconsin."

That is my sister state in a way, my family has roots to Wisconsin. I bet its actually rather swell.

[Cutter]

Cocky Gunslinger
It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest and most respected gunslinger in the west.

The place was Dodge City, Kansas in the Sawdust Saloon. The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his surprise, saw Wyatt Earp sitting at a table playing poker. The young man walked up to Wyatt and said, "Mr. Earp, I would like to be a gunslinger just like you. Could you give me some tips?"

Wyatt put his cards down, looked up at the boy and said, "Son, I don't usually give out tips like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my health, but step back and let me take a look at you."

The boy stepped back and Mr. Earp said, "You look good. You're wearing black, you've got two ivory handled guns with waxed holsters, and you look like a gunslinger. But what's more important, son, is: Can you shoot?"

The young man, happy to show how good he was, quickly drew his pistol from his right holster and without aiming shot the cuff link off of the piano player's right sleeve.

Wyatt said, "That's good shooting son, but can you shoot with your left hand?"

Before Earp could even finish, the boy had already drawn the pistol from his left holster and shot the cuff link off of the piano player's left shirt sleeve. Very proud of himself the young man blew the smoke away from his six shooter and holstered his gun. "How was that?" the boy asked.

Wyatt smiled and looked up and the boy and said, "That was pretty good shooting son. I couldn't do better than that myself, but I do have one good tip for you."

"What's that?" the boy asked.

"I suggest that you go to the kitchen and ask the cook for a large can of lard. Then take both guns of yours and stick them down deep into the lard."

Puzzled the young gunslinger asked why he should do that.

Earp put his cards down again, leaned back in his chair, and said, "Well son, when Doc Holliday gets done playing the piano over there, he's going to take those two guns of yours and. . . "

The boy didn't wait for the rest of the answer.

[joewiggs]

Once again, a great one from the Master. LOL!

[strange]

Five midgets walk into a saloon, the owner tells his workers to keep an eye on them. They walk in again another day and the owner says to still keep an eye on them.

They ask him why they need an eye on them and the owner says "Height was not the only thing these midgets come up short on".

[whitebull]

Hmmmmm! I don't quite get it?

[strange]

Feb 1, 2011 21:15:45 GMT -5 whitebull said:

Hmmmmm! I don't quite get it?

The bills... the tab? Coming up short?

[joewiggs]

Just read it! Good stuff. ;D

[Cutter]

HeHe, there's a reason they call you strange, Sir Strange. ;D

[Cutter]

I liked this one.
So there were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.

The first cow said,"I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."

The other cow replies, "Hell, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."

[Cutter]

Army Mule R.I.P.

The inscription on the burial site of an army mule: "Here lies a mule Magee, a favorite of unit who for my life kicked two colonels, four majors, ten captains, 24 lieutenant, 42 sergeants, 486 rank and file, and one mine."

[Cutter]

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... the Walmart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

[Cutter]

Cowboy logic

- Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
- There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
- If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try
orderin' somebody else's dog around.
- If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
- Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
- It doesn't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
- Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
- Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes
from bad judgment.
- Always drink upstream from the herd.
- When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be
suprised if they learn their lesson.
- When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown
around by somebody else.
- Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
- Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so
important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it
back in your pocket.
- A smart a** just doesn't fit in a saddle.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.

[joewiggs]

Where do you get this stuff? ;D Absolutely amazing!

[Cutter]

Joe, the web is the finest repository of the written word since Alexandria.

[joewiggs]

Gosh Darn it! All this time I thought this wealth of humor was being thought up and hatched by the one and only you!!!
I'm flabbergasted.